Was trying to help someone, a girl? Friend? Get out of a mega castle. Some robotic megalord and his guards were forcing me, her, and several other people to host, build sets for ourselves, and star in tv channels for an evil boss to watch for his entertainment. He was killing off people he was getting bored with.
I'm too funny, so I was stuck alive wishing I was dead instead of performing what felt like Disney XD skits for fucking ages- before I decide to tell her I'm going to find a way out, and when I do, take her with me.
I steal a radio someone left behind and learn when laundry day is to sneak out. They wanted us to look clean and sexy for the megalord, so they were having us give them our clothes to clean. I had to get naked before I went into the basket because they made EVERYONE have to give their clothes up and just be miserable and stripped for a bit. I take advantage of every bump and shake in the hallway to discreetly wiggle my clothes back on, at least the tanktop and shorts.
I made it out of the TV sets, and realize I am in a completely unfamiliar area when I'm out of the rolling laundry basket. I realize I should have paid more attention to where we were going so I could come back for her instead of worrying about my pants. I figure if I'm good enough at sneaking, nobody would have seen my ass anyway. I go out of the laundry area, which has an open window; I immediately clamber up the wall and leap out of it.
I am outside on a grey, brutalist, yet infinitely curving brick castle roof. My radio beeps loudly, informing me that a "Naked man with medium length black hair, tan skin with freckles has escaped the sets."
"Well, I'm not a man or naked," I say, out loud, like an idiot, who you would think would want to get killed, because they said this, out loud.
Everyone is immediately alerted to my presence, because there were panthers within earshot on the roof. They tell everyone I'm here and only include that I'm 'not naked.'
Oh my fucking god, it was like a kaizo hack in real life. They had the sentient panthers. Spears. Guards. Lasers. I jump off the castle wall and down into the moat below, because I figure cats and robots can't swim. They didn't follow me. But you know what they did have down here?
Mermaids weilding spears in their moat. Crazy spikes everywhere. Imagine me having this whole sweaty and stressful cat-and-mouse thing with the mermaids for what felt like the longest 45 minutes of my life. They were really pretty but it was like a colorful scary group of blurs with death at their tips. They wanted me dead so bad it was almost homoerotic.
Eventually they got bored of me and watching me try not to die by going into a tidepool of sawblades that they didn't want to follow me into, so I lost them for a while.
I went back to the inner castle wall and floated there in the water for a bit and started questioning whether I could even find a way out, or even justify taking a 2nd person through THIS much hell, or if I could even survive this myself. My legs were getting tired, and I just wanted out out out out! I wanted to cry, not because I almost died repeatedly, but because I couldn't muster it in me to go back for her when I promised.
It's only then that the radio beeps again and I get scared, worrying the mermaids will hear and come attack me again, so I cover it up with my hand, but the sound keeps coming through like I didn't do anything anyway.
I hear from the megalord, that there's a problem with the outter wall's wallpaper. I breathe. I swim as fast as I can when nobody is paying attention to me or my hiding spot anymore to the outter wall. The mermaids are completely absent, and I use the violent tidepools to get me there faster.
I see the problem with the wallpaper, it's not a castle wall at all. It's a black, squishy wall foam that looks like it's futuristic stainless steel. It was supposed to be hardened, but it's soft, open, and moat water is leaking into it. I peel it open more like its one of those massive soft foam jigsaw piece toys, and crawl inside the wall's infustructure.
I'm running too fast and ignoring everything else to care at this point as I struggle through a bunch of security technology lazers and sawblades and cogs that are switching on and off at the cue of some kind of audible timer. I felt like the sawblades should have cut me several times because they phased into the edges of my body, but they didn't.
At some point, I believe I see a way out, but I realize as I'm booking it that there is another security measure in the way that I assume scans you on the way out to make sure you're actually allowed to leave, and I accidentally run through it, tripping off something.
Alarms start blaring, so I run back inside as I hear guards start shouting to search the area; I'm in some kind of waiting room area with those toy bead things for kids. I am in a complete panic as I hear guards extremely close behind me and run into the women's bathroom with an idea, not to escape- but to buy time until they find out I'm the guy they're trying to kill.
I glance at the stalls, finding the disabled-use one; it is much and almost comedically smaller than the other two. I am in an evil boss' lair so I did not question it. I instinctively palm and heel onto the stall walls like the floor and toilet is lava like I've been doing in the moat for the past hour. I hear heavy guard steps clanking in to follow the frantic noise I was making while I was rushing in to slam and lock the stall door.
The guard speaks, demanding to know who's in here.
I try to talk, but I was apparently crying while trying to do the high-pitched voice of what my plan was, so it come out really bad. It didn't sound convincing at all, but the crying probably helped.
The guard is confused and tells me to repeat myself. I hear another guards' footsteps come in, but they don't speak.
I repeat myself, "My mom told me not to talk to strangers until she gets back."
The first guard speaks, "Why did you try to leave without your pass?"
"I thought I had it, but my mom did."
"Why does your mom have your pass?"
"Because my pants are wet, and I didn't want to ruin it. She's getting me stuff."
The guard is confused, "...Stuff?"
"I'm on my period"
The second guard speaks, annoyed, "I'll get her something to wear. You stay until her mother gets back." And I assume they agree, because I only hear one pair of footsteps leave the bathroom. I'm thinking how the hell am I going to get out of this. If they open that door I'm dead. I'm not on my period, and mom isn't coming, and I'm wanted for escaping, and I'm too scared and tired to go back for my friend, and I am going to be killed. By robot guards. Who are bringing me pants.
My palm's and heels' grip on the stall walls weaken, and one of my feet slips and loudly splashes into the toilet. It's gross and feels disgusting and I want to die about it.
"Are you okay in there?" The guard asks of me.
"God no," I respond in tired exasperation while trying to find a way to perch on top of the toilet- in my regular, NOT little child voice.
They are silent for a few moments. The door lock jiggles. Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it they know it's me they're going to kill me. I hear heavy footsteps.
The second guard comes back in and hold out one of their pads that is blood red, and has a picture of their megalord on it. I am too frantic to laugh at it.
I reach from my gargoyle perch position on the toilet and decide to pull down my shorts and equip the pad that I don't need anyway.
"Gimmie a minute," I say in my own voice again. The jig is up but I'm going to see this social convention through until the end, I think.
A pair of completely black pants is slipped under the door. I don't put them on.
I can use these.
I unlock the bathroom door with the intention of strangling one of the guards with them. I realized that they're human and they can be killed. I wait for them to open the door so I can pounce off the toilet and strangle them with the pants I'm holding.
I wake up when Sogwa sneezes on my face. She is loudly grooming herself as I wrote this.